Fear of the Unknown

I’ve had so many post ideas go through my head over the past month since I started this blog.  Obviously I haven’t gotten around to writing any of them! 😦  I think one thing that is a pretty common theme in my life is fear of the unknown.  Such as… fear of starting to put my words and thoughts out there again, having them be read, thought over, and critically reviewed… Aiyiayiay!  So unfortunately, it sometimes puts a hault – or a procrastinating road block in my way of moving forward or getting things done. (There are other strong factors such as perfectionism and pride… but for now we focus on the fear piece. 😉 )

The most recent vivid example of real fear happened for the space of a couple weeks just before my son was born. People kept asking me if I was nervous or afraid of the labor to come… and quite miraculously I could honestly tell them no, for the most part. 😉  My fears were directed almost exclusively to the part that came after that!  Taking care of a tiny, precious human being!!  God had really helped me through the process of finding a doctor, midwives, and a hospital environment whom I trusted in and felt comfortable and well informed, that the first week of my baby’s life is not what freaked me out anymore.  But seriously, I was about to become a Momma – full-time, round-the-clock responsibility for a little person, and… I felt doubt and fear that I would know what to do! Well, by the grace of God, somehow that fear actually managed to fly out the window… and I think it was right after that first night at the hospital when I finally got him laid down to rest for 3-4 hours straight, and I felt the most extreme surge of confidence and pride, that I could conquer the world after that, haha.  And of course, I had a wise husband by my side who was able to offer help and support. 🙂

See, this is the theme. I can spend time worrying and getting worked up about something, but almost always God soars in with the extra gift of confidence and peace and wisdom just when I need it… and He never leaves my side. 🙂  So thankfully, over the years – that fear of the unknown time has shortened considerably for the majority of situations.

Such a scared little girl… just before getting married – sex and cooking and… yeah, pretty much those two things had me freaked, haha.  A little girl – afraid in my bed… afraid to stay at friends’ houses…  Going off to college… Going off to Greece!  Would I be good enough, strong enough, smart enough to face each difficulty…..    The beauty of it is – I never would have to be… on my own. 🙂

Jesus increase

Church be edified

God glorified

Focus

I am hesitant.
As much as I want to dive right in and start cranking out blog posts, I’m too much of a perfectionist to let myself do that. It’s taking some time to get started, because even in the moments where I do have a desire to sit down and write, of course those are the moments when Theodore demands my attention. 🙂 And every other mother will smile right now and say, “Yup, Meggan. Welcome to motherhood!”

I don’t want to be too much of a perfectionist for once. I want to simply begin sharing, because if I don’t steal the little moments I have here and there, I may not ever get to share anything! And whether or not anyone else ever reads this blog or not, I need to set my heart and mind on this important focus I’ve given myself to keep my own attitude in check daily!

Focus… yes, this is a big important work. I’ve had so many bright spots of focused work throughout my life, but I’ve also had way too many unfocused seasons, and those are frustrating for me. I make excuses, but that doesn’t ever help anything really.

There’s been some messages going around about picking one word to set as a focus for your year ahead – I think my word should be focus. 😉